I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your cock deserves a montage
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
