We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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