Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
