I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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