Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
