TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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