I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
