Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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