And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
