She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Panties = found
Randomize
