Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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