Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
