I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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