Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
