Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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