Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found your dick twin last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
