i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
