I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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