I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
