i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I believe in your delicious
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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