so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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