dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
