I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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