I want to have your abortion
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
