yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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