vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
