Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
