he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
