Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
