I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
