You can't motorboat a personality
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
