she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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