I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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