someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
