You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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