Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
