the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
