Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
