So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize