ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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