He is an equal opportunity slut.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
