Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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