Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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