So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
