We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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