I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize