I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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