big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
