My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
pray to the hookup gods
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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