In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
