Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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