someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
