I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we're so committed to being not committed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
