tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
