I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
