I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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