seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
