he thought i was a dude.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
