i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
