Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
