I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
