Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
