There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize