smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
