it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
