everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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