Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How's work?
Spinning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
