the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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